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SETC Recap

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I was in Atlanta from Wednesday through Sunday. We had a blast. I saw a lot of good theatre. I’m still mostly theatre illiterate and I really enjoy any opportunity to see good theatre. With the best community theatre shows from 7 other states in attendance, I was in for a treat.

The first one I saw was Tennessee’s Escanaba In Da Moonlight by Jeff Daniels. It was hilarious. The set was great and these southern actors had the upper Michigan accent nailed. I thought I was gonna die during the slow motion fart.

I also saw a broadway caliber show from the Manatee Players out of Florida. They did a version of Sweeney Todd that was amazing. I wish I had been a little more familiar with the show, since it had to be cut to no more than 60 minutes in length. But regardless, the poor stage at Spelman college just wasn’t big enough for this production. Apparently, they have something like a $900,000 a year budget. And they are building a 12 million dollar facility. I wish I could say that they bought a win, but aside from a few technical snafus, this show was smooth and the cast was outstanding.

These two shows won and will continue to nationals. There were other smaller, simpler shows that were still very strong. At MTA, I would have been shocked if we had not won. I imagine this comes from my inexperience of attending MTA and not coming away disappointed or upset for the last 20 years. I don’t mean to sound like a cocky jackass, but we had a really good show and I saw all the rest, and while good, they just weren’t quite as tight as ours. But at SETC, out of seven shows that were our competition, I could only say with confidence that I thought we were better than one show.

With all that said, we came in runner-up, which is 3rd place. If one of the other two shows drops out, we would go in their place. Best of luck to Tennessee and Florida, bring it home to the south. Yeehaw! Also, two of my friends and castmates won Outstanding Performance: Madeline Golden (Vera) and Krista Vowell (June). The awards were well deserved. One adjudicator told Madeline that she was the best Vera he’d ever seen. He also told Marcus Vowell that his Stanley was the strongest he’d seen. Another adjudicator told Krista that if he ever wanted to know how to feel about what was going on at that point in the show, he would look to June since she embodied the spirit of each moment. Starkville’s got mad talent, yo!

Otherwise, I ate a lot, managed to swing one ball game at the SEC Championship (where my Bulldogs lost), saw Andie MacDowell, went to an improv jam and hung out with my wifey and my SCT family. It was a great time.

When Sharks Attack

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So you’ve probably heard about the recent shark attacks in Florida. It’s pretty scary. I just can’t imagine being out in the water and then some big fish happens by and decides that you look tasty and takes your leg off. It would be terrifying and painful. I don’t live anywhere near the gulf, ocean or sea so why am I worried? Answer: I’m taking a beach trip with some old school buddies in a few weeks to Destin, where the first attack happened.

What’s a guy to do? Travel all the way to Florida, rent a condo for an extended weekend and not go to the beach? Heck no! So I’ve come up with some possible solutions to ensure I won’t get my tasty bits gnawed on.

Wear a suit of armor Ok this is the first one out of the gate and I’ll admit, it’s a little weak. Yes, the suit will most likely prevent the removal of your limbs from your body but there are some downsides.

  • It’s heavy so if a wave knocks you over, you could very well drown. End result, you die.
  • It might rust from being in the salty water. No one will want to hang out with you because of how much you squeak.
  • It’s cost prohibitive. Have you seen how much these things go for on eBay? Jeez. Not to mention the shipping costs.
  • The chafing, oh god, the chafing.

Carry a thick stick about a foot in length This isn’t a bad one. You’ve seen this trick before, they do it on the TV all the time, granted in cartoons, but still. You must be alert. When you see the shark approaching, set your legs and body in a strong defensive stance. As the shark opens his or her mouth to chomp on you, wedge the stick in the open orifice. Just watch out for the sharp teeth. Man, that shark will be so pissed! Make sure you get a strong stick or the shark might break it in two and then come after you again. The problem with this one is the difficulty in timing it just right. You might need to practice on one at Sea World first but they may not let you. I’ll look into it.

Attach a handle to a large piece of plexiglass. Think of one of those police riot shields, it’s the same concept. Again, you must be alert, you can’t be caught by a surprise attack. Once again, when you see the shark approaching, take a strong defensive stance. Make sure to get the plexiglass between you and the shark. Hold on tight to the handle and when the shark strikes, shove the Shark Shield in its face. See, he won’t be able to get at you because of the shield. He’ll try and try but he can’t break through. I mean, he can see you right there, Why can’t I get him, the shark’ll wonder. You’ll just laugh and laugh at that stupid shark. Since the Shark Shield is clear plexiglass you can optionally have one of those waterproof disposable cameras for capturing the shark’s frustrating grimaces. Eventually he’ll get tired and leave you alone. Just think of the stories you’ll tell your friends and you’ll have documentation.

Charge up your taser. With nods to Chief Martin Brody. If that danged shark comes after you, let him know he can’t mess with you, cause you’re busy ogling the girls (or boys). It’s simple, with the shark coming at you or if he’s already got a hold on your leg, zap him with your taser. Tasers are portable and you could probably fit it in your fanny pack. The downside is, well, if you’re in the water too, which I guess you would be if you have a shark hanging off your leg, you will get zapped too. I think it’s a small price to pay for keeping all of your appendages.

If these sound too complicated, just poke that shark in the eye. Who in the heck likes a finger in the eye?

If you can think of a better way to ward of the man-eaters, let me know, ’cause I’m going in that water!