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Whose the only one here that knows illegal ninja moves from the government?

Me, baby, me.

Well, I’ve had the most interesting day. It was over before it began really. Last night we watched some TV and farted around awhile, then we adjourned to the bedroom for some before-bed-time-reading. About 1:30am (now Sunday morning) I’m like “Ok, we need to go to bed.” She says, “Ok.” *switch off light* we say our goodnight ritual *kiss* *kiss* *snore* *snore* right?

No. Apparently we lay there, both awake for eternity. It’s like this:

1:30 – (am) Lights out
1:45 – We’re still yammering to each other somewhat
2:15 – “I’m still awake, are you?” “Uh huh.”
2:30 – “I read that two shots of whiskey will put you to sleep.” “Ok.” “Except that we don’t have whiskey, but I think we have rum.” “Ok.”
2:31 – *gulp* *burn* *gulp* *burn-and-screw-up-face-like-you-smell-something-really-bad*
2:32 – “Ok, then, my tummy’s all warm, maybe now we’ll sleep.”
3:00 – yammer yammer at each other “I’ve gotta pee.”
3:30 – Still yammering “I’ve gotta pee, again.”
3:45 – “Ok, let’s go to sleep.” “I’ve gotta..” “Dang, woman!”
4:00 – (to self) “Alright, if I’m not alseep by 4:30, forget it, I’m getting up.”
4:17 – “Forget it, I’m getting up.”
4:20 – “Hey, I’m gonna make one of those ‘Vote for Pedro’ shirts from the iron-on letters we have except it’ll say ‘Me’ instead of ‘Pedro’.
4:30 – After doing interweb research, I see the letters should be red instead of blue, which is the color I have.
4:35 – Drive to Wal*Mart.
5:00 – Return home.
5:20 – Eat grill cheese sammich and marvel at my new awesome shirt.
5:30 – Decide we want Shoney’s breakfast bar.
5:45 – Drive one hour to Tupelo since Starkville Shoney’s closed down some years ago due to Mafia activites.
7:00 – Eat of the bountiful harvest at the Gloster street Shoney’s Breakfast Bar.
7:45 – Drive 15 minutes to mother-in-law’s for sleep.
8:00 – After settling on the couch for 5 minutes, decide to drive back to Starkville to sleep in our own bed.
9:00 – CRASH
3:00 – (pm) Wake up.
3:30 – Go to Hardee’s for Thickburgers

I’m gonna break the whole timeline motif now to expand on our Hardee’s experience. If you live in Starkville or have spent any time in Starkville, maybe you’ve run into The Reverend.

The Reverend is known by his ever-present earphones either on his ears or around his neck. A trail of amens and hallelujahs follow him through the isles of Wal*Mart. You can spot him in his glory-mobile because it is adorned with American flags on all four windows and copious amounts of religious stickers on the back glass and bumper.

I first saw The Reverend in Wal*Mart some months ago. He had his earphones on and was singing Amazing Grace (how sweet the sound). As we passed him pushing his shopping cart, he gave us an “amen, hallelujah.” I’ve seen him a couple of other times around town but never really had an opportunity to introduce myself.

So we walk into Hardee’s and as we enter the lobby, are greeted with a “forever and amen.” The Reverend is sitting at a table with his earphones on and is decked out in his Sunday finest. I, of course, nod and return his amen.

As we are waiting on our food, The Reverend continues his random exultations. He follows everything he says with an “amen?” Apparently he was listening to the Bulldogs baseball game. “Home run, amen?” “Four to nothing, amen?” “Go Bulldogs, amen?” I’m serious.

Later we’re just munching on our ThickBurgers and he gets up, throws something away and gets some more coffee. “Garbage bag, amen?” Where’s the creamer, amen?” He talks to the Hardee’s employees, “You eating some chocolate ice cream, amen?” He’s very friendly, amen?

At some point, I decide to go over and introduce myself. I finish chewing and walk over. “Brother, my name is Kary. I don’t believe I’ve met you before.” He says he’s The Reverend, known on Star 107.1 out of Macon (amen?). I’m like, well that’s pretty interesting. I get M. to snap a picture of us (sweet!) and he tells me to put it in a church frame from Wal*Mart and put it in my house. I’m gonna look for a church frame next time I’m at wally world.

I go back to my table and resume getting fat, er, eating my ThickBurger. The Reverend continues his proclamations. “Starkville, amen?” “Louisville, amen?” “American flag, amen?” Then he comes over and gives me some church napkins. “Here’s some church napkins for you nice folks, amen?” I guess church napkins come from the same place as church picture frames, namely Wal*Mart. I get up for more ketchup, he turns and says, “ketchup, amen?” I am not making this up. When we get up to leave, I go for a refill. You know what’s coming, say it with The Reverend. “Refill, amen?”

The Reverend is actually a really nice guy and I’m not poking fun. I encourage everyone to check him out on Star 107.1, The Reverend Billy Sherman. I know I will.

If you see The Reverend around town with his earphones on giving praise for everything he sees, give him an “amen?” for me.

the rev and me