Awesome Lessons
May 25th, 2005 @ 11:03 pm
So I’ve decided to give awesome lessons. The thought occurred to me one day at work when I decided my co-worker G. needed lessons. I mean, just look at that un-awesome website. What is awesome? What does it mean, you ask? Well, let me tell you.
- Inspiring awe: an awesome thunderstorm.
- Expressing awe: stood in awesome silence before the ancient ruins.
- Slang. Remarkable; outstanding: “a totally awesome arcade game” (Los Angeles Times).
In layman’s terms, awesome is pretty much everything I do. Right, just hang out with me to learn what awesome really is, and it’s very affordable. One half hour lesson is only $19.95 plus tax. One hour lessons are $34.95 plus tax. You will learn more about awesome in 30 or 60 minutes with me than you would watching days of Burt Reynolds movies.
Why am I awesome? What makes me qualified to give lessons? It boils down to the Cosmic Shame, really. I was born with it. And for those unfortunate souls who weren’t, I can help you. Heck, check this out:
- I designed and built the Statue of Liberty in three days.
- I have the widest vocal range of any known creature, coming in at 53 octaves.
- I have been known to eat an entire 5-gallon bucket of oatmeal, dry.
- I cleaned up the Valdez oil spill with three sponges and an old pair of underwear.
- Once, I rode a badger bare-back non-stop from Seattle, Washington to Mexico City. Yeah, in Mexico.
- I beat Ken Jennings in an untelevised Jeopardy! challenge at the Fugly Bar and Grill in Salt Lake City, Utah. Trebek was there.
- Need I continue?
When you need awesomeness and no one else can help, if you can find them, maybe you can hire The A(wesome) Team (which is really just me).
The Blog
May 26th, 2005 00:35
I shpent an awshome night with your mother lasht night, Trebeck.
May 26th, 2005 11:46
Sean Connery does not need awesome lessons. But he could use more cowbell.
September 28th, 2005 01:04
I accept your challenge Hiroku Saki!