What’s with the cutesy, not-so-clever subdivision names? AND WHY MUST THEY ALL END IN ‘WOOD?’

Seriously, does anybody know? Tanglewood, Briarwood, Kingwood, Wildwood, etc etc. Maybe it’s just this part of the country, you know, the South. I haven’t really paid attention in other parts of the country to see if they follow this retarded naming convention.

I guess they don’t all end in ‘wood’ but without fail they all have some sort of ‘tard factor. Other popular endings might include such gems as Hills, Acres, Estates or Valley. HA! Pretentious, unimaginative, frou-frou and lame is what I say.

Do these developers really think that the potential buyer might believe the subdivision name reflects a resident wildlife population or flora feature of the land? If they do, they’re going about it all wrong. I mean, why name it Briarwood or Greenbriar? It’s not going to inspire me to buy property there. Hello, like I really want to purchase some property where everyday activities include smearing ridiculous amounts of antibiotic cream on my sweet briar cuts. Or having to dodge bounding deer everytime I back out of my driveway in the classy Leaping Deer Meadow Parkwood subdivision.

See, what they should do it name the subdivision something more enticing. Oh I don’t know…maybe something like Chicken Fried Steak and Macaroni and Cheese…Hills. Heck yeah I’d live somewhere like that. Hills of Mac and Chee. YES.

Food? No? Ok, how about Gin and Tonic, uh, Wood. I think you gotta tack on the Wood or Hills or Meadow because otherwise people would just be too confused. How does T and A Hollow sound? Yeah, you’d live there. You’d frickin buy three lots at the new Bubble Buns neighborhood. But you might skip Quail Willow Crest.

Where would you rather live Mr. Pibb and Cheese-It Estates or Maplewood? Sleeping ’til Noon On Fluffy Pillows With Mom Making Pancakes In The Kitchen Which You Will Eat Right After Having Morning Sex With A Porn Star Of Your Choice Valley or Knollwood Heights? Hmmmm tough decision.

Anyway, I think I’ll get in contact with the developers in my area that are putting in new subdivisions. There’s one going in right now not two miles from where I live. Maybe if I’m not too late I can stop another Oak Hills and have a Good Book and Soft Toilet Paper Creek instead.

3 thoughts on “TangleBriarPatchWood

  1. I can attest to the universality of subdivision/development names.
    I can also tell you that they often represent what natural feature was DESTROYED to build the place. Hundred Oaks Mall, Doe Run, Spring wood estates. Sometimes they deviate from natural destruction and name themsleves from History. This way they won’t run out of tree names for all the different streets. If you have a midevil themed subdivision, you have roads like crown, castle, king, knight, sword, etc. Or if you are in the south, the civil war is always good for naming a subdivision.
    It would make my job a lot easier to look at stacks and stacks of blueprints for a subdivision if it was called Cheetos and Hot Fries Terrace or Sour Apple Caramel Pop Chateaus. I could go for Moutnain Dew Road, but people might think there were once mountains there.

  2. I know this subdivision called “Dreams End”. It sounds pretty cynical and evil. As if saying “well, this is as good as it gets.”

  3. When I was growing up terms like subdivision were as foreign as “indoor plumbing”. However, moving down to the ‘urbs brought us the sub-divided hell you are complaining about. Briarwood, Blairewitch, and Barneyfiefe.
    Who ever identifies with the sub-division they live in? “Oh yeah, I live over in Pineoak.” WTF!

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