How JUNO Sounded to Me

juno-small.jpgJUNO was a big hit, right? Oscar for best screenplay, right? Everybody loved it, right? Well. There were several aspects that I enjoyed about it. e.g. I thought it was the best performance I’ve seen from Jennifer Garner. But Juno’s dialogue. It just tried waaay too hard to sound like a hip teenager to me. That’s why I loved this re-write. A sample.

They take the chair, then ELLEN sets up an entire living room
set in front of MICHAEL CERA’S HOME.


Ellen, hey. I like the couch on my front sidewalk, it’s incredibly quirky of you.


Yeah, well I’m pretty quirky.


So what are you doing here? Do you need someth-


Wait, hold on. Your track team is about to come running by and I need to do a voiceover narration for no particularly reason, even though I only do it like three more times in the entire movie.


Whenever I see the track team, I can’t help but picture their penises, because doing so allows me to explain that fact in a voiceover narration that I can end with the very hip term “pork swords.”


Alright, sorry about that. What were we talking about? Oh right, I’m pregnant and it’s yours.


Rather than freak the hell out like a typical high school student, I’m going to sputter around for words awkwardly and barely finish complete sentences. It’s kind of my thing.

There are several more funny bits in there.

3 thoughts on “How JUNO Sounded to Me

  1. That cracked me up fo’ reals. I have a post brewing about this movie and when I read this I almost really did roll on the floor laughing. (Damn! Where’s my hip text abbreviations?) I bow to you good sir, and must link.

  2. Indeed. I enjoyed the film, but the few honest moments it includes are drenched in the syrupy falsehood of overwritten dialogue. However, considering Diablo Cody will (presumably) only get better with experience, at least she’s starting from a decent vantage point. I’d much rather lament that something was overwritten than flat and laden with timeworn cliches (like, for example, the word “timeworn”).

    Side note: postmodern criticism has robbed us of the ability to enjoy anything. Ever.

  3. I’m usually not much of a critic. Mostly, I’m the perfect movie goer; able to suspend disbelief and enjoy the ride with only egregious offenses taking me out.

    I still enjoyed the movie, I just winced a number of times when hearing Juno speak. There were so many people praising the writing, calling it “crackling” and “fresh.” So I was looking forward to seeing it but it just didn’t strike me that way.

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