When I see someone defying the well thought out design of a bicycle and riding with no hands, I wish for nothing more than for them to fall on their face RIGHT THEN. To me, it is the height of arrogance to ride a bicycle with no hands. One handed? Ok, fine, you’re pushing the bounds of acceptable safety, but go ahead.

When you ride a bike with no hands you are broadcasting to the world, “Look at me. I don’t bend over at the waist to grasp the ergonomic handlebars with my hands, therefore ensuring my safety and the safety of those around me. I ride sitting straight up in the seat with my hands resting on my thighs or even letting them cavalierly hang down next to me. I throw caution and safety to the wind while I take my life in my own hands. I am a cocky, son of a B.”

When I see this happening, as I did today (and not to mention the doosh was riding ON THE SIDEWALK), I hope with all my might that he will eat pavement right in front of me.

I’m sorry, I don’t normally wish ill upon anyone, but in this case it is deserved. I mean, just look at this buttplug. How do you think he feels now?