Tag Archives: etiquette

A Rant by Krista Vowell

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A friend and “sister” of mine just sent this out via email. I agree and feel the same way many times. Republished with permission.

Forgive me. You all don’t have to read this entire thing-or any of it-but I HAVE HAD IT and I have to vent.

A few minutes ago, I was in the University Florist. Small, confined space. Trixie Co-Ed walks in with her cell phone plastered to her ear. The person asks if she needs help. She never misses a beat with cell phone partner while answering “in a minute”. She’s looking around the store, gabbing away full voice.

“I don’t know, but she is a skank. She’s got an std or something, I know it.”
“Well, he kissed me on New Year’s Eve, but I told him he’s just got to get his shit together”.
“Oh, how cute-can you wrap this?”
“I’m trying to think of something for you to take, have you done Zicam yet?”.

And on and on. I left the Florist because I felt an urge creeping up from my ankles to take her telephone from her, tell her cell phone partner that Trixie has to be going now, and proceed to educate this little simpleton in basic human being etiquette.

I DO NOT care if Billy Joe kissed Bobbie Sue on prom night. It is none of my business. NOR, do I care that Elvira Mae has an unfortunate crotch condition. I have had it.

I have had it with ubiquitous cell phone conversations as loud as you please in public places. I have had it with fast food service being absolutely abysmal. I have had it with WalMart checkers treating me like they are doing me some huge favor and refusing to simply crack a smile or, God forbid, be friendly when checking me out. I have had it with screaming, ill mannered children in public whose parents “don’t believe” in spanking and “do believe” in allowing their children to “express themselves”. I have had it with people assuming I know who they are when they call me on the telephone and don’t bother saying, “Hi, this is…” but simply launch into what they need me to do for them.

Where are our manners? Where is our dignity? Where is our common sense, decency and courtesy?

Someone, anyone please tell me that this world is not going to hell in a handbasket. I am feeling like a crotchety old lady sitting on my porch yelling at the young whippersnappers to get off my lawn!

Generally, I am a very happy and well balanced person. Just so you know.

I’m a disrespectful punk

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disrespectful.jpgI’ve posted before about funeral procession etiquette. Well, I made a huge etiquette blunder recently.

I was traveling from Columbus to Starkville on Hwy 82. The two cities are about 20 miles apart. As I was driving through Columbus I came up on a long line of cars that appeared to be a funeral procession. Now this is a four lane highway and the procession was in the righthand lane but people in the lefthand lane didn’t want to pass the procession so they were hanging back. Needless to say there was a huge pile of cars and it became hard to tell where the procession ended.

After a few miles it began to thin out as people exited the highway or just moved on. I began to think that maybe the procession had exited the highway. I hopped into the left lane and accelerated. After a bit I caught up with some cars in the righthand lane and I began to wonder if it was the funeral procession. Maybe they didn’t take an earlier exit. Sure enough I noticed the headlights of the cars were on and they were doing about 45mph. The posted speed limit was 60mph and soon to be 70mph as we got out of town.

Then I saw the police car about a half mile ahead of me with his lights on. At this point I had about three options. One, I could slow down and look for a exit and just wait at McDonald’s for a while until I had given them sufficient time to get where they were going. Two, I could slow down and just hang back or merge in with the procession. Three, I could shrug and go on because who knows how long they were going to be on the highway.

I’m sorry to say that in the confusion of the moment and having another person riding my bumper, I chose option three. I sped up to about 55 or 60 and just passed ’em. I passed about 20 cars, two limos, the YELLOW hearse and the cop. I felt bad about it but I just didn’t know what to do at the time.

And believe me, they saw and heard me go by them due to my Flowmaster exhaust (it’s a bit loud). They were probably cussing me or just shaking their heads in disbelief at the disrepect of the white dude in the loud jeep.

The next day at work I asked my co-workers what was the proper thing to do and they unanimously agreed that I should have just pulled over and waited. They all agreed I was a disrespectful punk. Well, you live and learn, right?

Gym and Locker Room Etiquette

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topgun01.jpgThis was originally titled “Public Penis Pontifications.” But I decided to increase the scope.

At the gym where I workout, they have signs posted everywhere that you MUST have a towel to workout. Of course, they don’t seem to enforce this rule. I see people working out without a towel and leaving their sweat all over everything. Do they get asked to leave? Heck no.

Contrary to popular belief of those that actually do bring a towel, it’s not for you to pat your face when you’ve done 80 reps of 8 lbs while barely bending a joint. I’ve never understood that. I see people sit down at a leg extension machine, for example. They’ll do at least 50 repetitions and barely move their legs; maybe like 10 degrees of total movement. I suppose it’s better than nothing, but it’s annoying when I’m waiting for a machine and the dude is endlessly barely squeaking his knees.

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, contrary to popular belief, the towel is not for you, it’s to WIPE YOUR BODY DRIPPINGS OFF THE MACHINE. Really, I’m serious. I’ll see people heave their sweaty wet bodies all over a machine, making sweet sweet aerobic or weight lifting love to it and then take their towel, mop their forehead and walk away.

Oh HELL NO.

Wipe that bitch down! I don’t want to sit on, lay in or even touch your body juice. I understand we’re all sweating and working hard but please please don’t make me clean up after your overactive oily glands.

Now, after you’re done working out, you head to the locker room. Let’s talk about locker room philosophy and etiquette for a bit.

So it’s time to shower. Now I think most men would rather not walk around naked while exposing their downtown bonanza to the rest of the men in the room. But. You have to do it. ‘Cause if you don’t, then you’re ashamed or insecure or not confident or something. And you’re NOT A MAN. So all the guys walk around with their business dangling all hairy and lopsided.

I know. Eww.

From talking to M, I think women are the opposite, it’s not a big deal to be nude in front of each other but nobody does it in the women’s locker room. You know, probably out of respect for one another or maybe not to be rude. Sorry guys, there ain’t no free and clear boobies or possible spontaneous lezbo action going on in the women’s locker room.

So, the guys are all walking around, making everybody uncomfortable (eyes up!). The worst is when one guy is sitting on the bench tying a shoe or something and another guy, who is completely naked, is standing next to him with one foot propped up on the bench like he’s modeling sport coats in the Sears catalogue, talking to him or telling a joke. “God Man! Really?! Could you please get your swinging, hairy BALLS out of my face ’cause I’m trying real hard not to look but I’m about to be hypnotized by their rhythmic pendulum motion. I actually wish you were fatter so that your gut covered up your old, wrinkled genitials.”

Anyway, I avoid the locker room and shower at home when I can but sometimes walking around a room naked with a bunch of other naked guys is what I do on my lunch hour. Wow, I hope THAT gets quoted out of context.

Funerals in the south

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funeral_procession.jpgIf you’re driving in the south and a funeral procession goes by, it’s proper etiquette to pull over out of respect and wait for it to pass. And I really didn’t get it and thought it was annoying until I was in a funeral procession and saw other people doing it for us. It’s really touching.

I mean, these people are going about their busy lives and are probably in a hurry and then they see a line of cars with their headlights on and a big black car at the front. Sometimes there is a police escort if it is an especially important person that has passed or a particularly long procession of cars. So they pull over for a minute or so to honor the dead and show respect to those that are grieving.

My question is this: Does this happen outside of the south? Does this happen in the midwest, the northwest, the east? Anybody know?