What’s the first thing I learned to fix myself to eat when I was hungry and mom wasn’t around?


But, the second thing was SANDWICHES.

I probably learned how to make a PB&J first, which is strange because making a PBJ is harder than making, say, a ham SANDWICH. I’d do my best to smear PB on one slice and some J on the other one, slap them together and enjoy. With a glass of milk, of course. It wasn’t until years later when I would use the advanced technique that my mom used: mixing them in a bowl first. Try it, it’s smooth and yummy.

White, wheat, pita, tomato basil, rye, hoagie, french, styrofoam, DVDs. Doesn’t matter. Take two pieces of any bread, put something edible in between them and BAM! (thanks Emeril, not the book store) a party in your mouth.

Lettuce, tomato, mustard, pickles, cheese, woodchips, fingernails. Doesn’t matter. Dressings are the icing on top. (mmmmm icing SANDWICHES) You don’t have to have ’em, but they make a decent SANDWICH great. Mayonaise and bread are the perfect compliment. I think I could eat mayonaise SANDWICHES. I also like mayonaise and banana SANDWICHES.

Ham, PB&J, banana, pimento cheese, tuna, cow tongue, babies. Doesn’t matter. They’re all good. I mean, SANDWICHES are the perfect food. Whatever you can find around the house, you can make a SANDWICH out of it. The SANDWICH is the delicious garbage disposal of leftovers.

So you had a nice roast and potatoes dinner. Yum. But you know what I look forward to the most? Lunch the next day. Roast beef poboys (a subclass of SANDWICH). Oh yeah. Looove it.

The point is, I would eat a SANDWICH everyday and never get tired of it. Why? Because the possibilities are endless. Heck, Waffle House has 844,739 ways of eating a hamburger (another subclass of SANDWICH). Should I sing the song?

What’re your favorite SANDWICHES? I love ’em all. Well, except olive spread or olive loaf. What the crap is that?