Tag Archives: birmingham

Dirty Bum Sex

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I thought maybe I ought to include a bit of the back story here.

M interned in Birmingham over the summer. One weekend my buddy Gabe and I went to go hang out at the her apartment and catch Raiders of the Lost Ark at the Alabama Theatre. Our friend James was meeting us there as well. So Sunday afternoon we’re just chillin’ in the apartment, which is right next to another apartment building. And there’s an alley that runs between the two buildings.

These two young folk, which we’ll call “bums” for the purposes of the story, had been hanging out in the alley since the night before arguing with each other and probably all drugged up. They can plainly be seen and heard from the kitchen window of the apartment. By Sunday afternoon, apparently, they decided to make up.

At first it was just cuddling and stroking each others’ face and greasy hair. Then it turned to making out. Ew. We kept going, looking through the blinds and then turning away, grossed out. BUT WE COULDN’T STOP LOOKING.

Eventually she rolls over onto her back and his hand goes wandering “downstairs.” After a few minutes of this and other gross details involving finger sniffing, he mounts her. Missionary style. In the alley. On the concrete.

It lasted all of 40 seconds. And when it looked like he might be going back down head first, we decided it was time to go to the movie.

Later in the evening when Gabe and I were leaving to go back to Starkville, and the bums sleeping off their post-coital euphoria in the alley, M walks down the sidewalk that runs perpendicular to alley. She reported back that the bums could be seen clearly from the sidewalk by the street. Fabulous.

So, of course, I took pictures during the dirty bum making out and the dirty bum sex. They, along with a chronological picture album of the trip can be seen here.

These events inspired the rap and video Dirty Bum Sex that is above. Enjoy.

Apartment Hunting in the Ham

2030_HA.gifWell yesterday we spent the day looking for an apartment in Birmingham. We didn’t get to bed the night before until about 2:00am. We got up before 7:00am to head out so not much sleep.

Since M was staying in b’ham, we drove separate cars. We dropped her car off at her friend’s house where she is staying for the week and I called several numbers that I found on the internet the night before but none of them did subleases or short term leases.

We drove into town and found UAB. After parking in their parking garage, we checked out the student union for bulletin boards for subleases. We eventually found a studio apt with a short term lease. We checked it out and it was ok.

We drove downtown to see where she would be working and were confused with the north vs south street business but figured it out and found the place.

For lunch we ate at the Mellow Mushroom at 5-points. 5 points is the happening place with cafes and restaurants and what not. We found a rental office close by and went in and talked to them. Turns out I had already called them and they said no short term leases. But going in there and asking face to face produced a different result, they were willing to work with us.

So we checked out a place nearby. It’s called the Richmond and it’s a old, historic building. The apartment was prety cool and M fell in love. We looked at one more apt many blocks away but I think M’s mind was made up. The place is pictured above.

It’s about a half a block away from 5 points so she can walk down to the restaurants and shops. It has a little patio and it’s pretty sweet. I’m excited about going over to visit one weekend and hanging out there.

So I dropped her back off at her friend’s place and I hit the road back to Starkville. I found a good way to stay awake: crank up the OBCR of RENT and sing at the top of my lungs.