Tag Archives: random

Merry Thankfullness Day

What am I thankful for? Today is a day to think about what things one is thankful for, I think. Though I have been under the impression that it was all about finding an excuse to eat so much that you want to die.

So. Thankful. Right. My wife, my family, my

Oh, the food’s ready. Sweet! Good thing we just installed that vomitorium. I can eat all day non-stop. Sonzyeah.

My hair is sore

Really, it is. I “picked” it out (fluffed it up) last night as part of my costume and now it hurts.

M and I went to a Halloween party last night that one of her professors threw. There were a lot of people there (dozens) and I knew 1.5 of them.

Anyway M was a bean farmer/gold prospector, at least those were the two options she came up with and she was cute. I was, wait for it, Napoleon Dynamite. I pretty much killed. I even had some random girl come up and ask for a picture with Napoleon.

Tonight is another party, Zombie Apocalypse is the theme. I think I’ll be Zombie Napoleon Dynamite. I had planned to just wear this crazy polyester suit I’d picked up years ago at the thrift store but the ND costume is just too good to not use again. I just have to figure out how to do some zombie makeup.

Peace out.

Dial-uppers Beware

I hope you managed to catch a nappy at work today due to the totally awesome How To Nap At Work instructional video. It comes in at a whopping 11MB, not very dial-up friendly at all.

If there’s anyone out there that’s on dial-up or you just have a slower connection and you’d like to see the video but can’t swing the 11MB download, LET ME KNOW. I can post a smaller one if need be.

And I’ve got another idea for another video, so if you wanna be hip and see teh funnay, you’ll need to tell me if I need to make a smaller version for you bandwidth impaired folks.

Meanwhile, this evening while I was preparing my audition tape, I got a text message that one of the dudes from Runnin’ With Scissors, Matt Albert, was going to do a stand-up set at the local tavern’s open mic night.

So I cruise on over there and run into a couple of old friends and we chat it up. Soon Matt takes the mic and does his set. He’s never done stand-up before AND they’ve never had anyone do stand-up at open mic night before. He got some big laughs and I thought he did great.

I chatted with a couple of people and headed home to try and finish up my tape. As luck would have it, all the takes I did are too long (the maximum time allowed is 60 seconds). The last day to have the audition tape postmarked is, of course, tomorrow. I ain’t gonna cry if I don’t send one in, but I like to send one in. Maybe I’ll get up in the morning and re-do it, edit it, burn it and mail it all by the end of the day. Sha. Yeah, right. We’ll see.

I did exercise today and I ate pretty good except for dinner. I did not eat well this last weekend. It is late and I will not be hitting the gym in the morning. So sue me.

Kisses to all

What’s new with you?

Nothin, I don’t know.

See, I just haven’t been inspired lately to write anything new. Why frickin’ not? I wonder. Man, early on this summer, I had multiple ideas coming at me everyday and I could, like, make a selection as to which ones were best to actually write about. Oh those were good times.

Nowadays I find myself coming here and refreshing to see if the blog has been updated. I’m always disappointed.

And I’ve written some funny stuff on here man. I know because I could go back and read it now and I would still laugh. I’ve written this stuff down because I find it funny and I sincerely hope others do to. And people have laughed. They told me so. And it makes me happy.

Maybe I’ve gotten duller and dumber over the summer. ‘Cause before I’d notice stuff and it would get me thinking and I’d come up with a funny angle to it and I’d write about it. Now I don’t seem to be noticing anything. And if I do, I don’t come up with anything funny to say about it.

Just so you know, I ain’t whining. I’m just stating the facts dude. This is where I am.

Man I hope something funny comes along soon or I’ll have to change the bio in my profile. I probably just need to write more in general and stuff will come to me.

Isn’t it weird how things you should be doing or you want to do, you just don’t do? And sometimes many things tie in together. Like I totally kicked ass in the gym this summer, lost 30+ pounds. For the last few weeks I’ve been lazy and eating bad. What’s up with that? And my writing on here has kinda fallen off with my focus on being healthy. See? How are they even related? I don’t know. There’s some deeper issue I guess. There’s some other things I know I should be doing but I don’t do them. It’s easier to just coast than make things better. wtf, I say. w.t.f.

Anyway, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest…

Speaking of my chest, I have about 4 chest hairs. Well I just pulled one out. What the heck man?! I’ve only got four, well, now three. I need all the chest hairs I can get! And I’m sitting here pulling them out?

Well at least my nipple hair has come in nicely.

17 minutes with Mr. KaryHead

And action.

The acting class looks to be totally cool. I’m looking forward to it this semester. We had a good class today, the instructor was fast-paced, entertaining and we even learned some stuff on the first day. I don’t think falling asleep in class will be an issue.

I volunteered to participate in an exercise and I think I sucked. I kept coming up with ways that I could’ve done it better all day. Oh well, there will be future opportunities.


Billy didn’t like Sally. In fact, he loathed her. So much that he felt slightly nauseous at the sight of her. It was fortunate though because Sally had very similar feelings about Billy. At least they tried to avoid each other. But it wasn’t so easy.

They had lived next door to one another for their entire lives. Their parents were always dropping one of them off at the other’s house for cheap babysitting. Those were terrible times. Sometimes one of the parents would plan activities for them to do together. Absolutely horrid and emotional scarring was a sure thing.

So one day Billy decided he’d had all he could take of Sally.

Wait, I didn’t tell you about why Billy and Sally hated each other. Well, this is a family show and I can’t go into it.

So one day Billy decided he’d had all he could take of Sally. Unbeknownst to Billy, Sally had been having thoughts along the same lines. Sally’s parents needed to run errands for a few hours and dropped her off so Billy’s parents could keep an eye on her. Also they assumed Billy and Sally enjoyed spending time together.

When Sally’s parents dropped her off, Billy had his plan all laid out. After his parents would turn on a video for the kids as they usually did, Billy would spring into action. Unfortunately for Billy, Sally had plans of her own.

Whoops, times up. I had no idea where that was going anyways. I was just writing as it came out.

Actually, it’s a pass along story. Yeah, that’s the ticket. I was planning this all along. So the first person in the comments write the next part of the story. As little or as much as you want and then the second person add on to the first person’s comment and so on and so forth. Or just write your own ending to the story of Billy and Sally and ignore what other people have posted. I don’t really care if you play pass along or not.

Maybe no one will post anything and that’s fine but maybe, just maybe whoever writes the best segment or story (the one that makes me laugh the most. Or maybe some other criteria that I come up with) will win a prize. Possibly a sweet prize. Something that has been featured here on IMKH before.

From the notebook

I woke up one morning, years ago, when I was in high school; my brain was burning with a jumble of words that needed to be let out. I reached to the bedside table for my notebook and in the half-light of the early morning, scribbled these words:

The Vat of Twisted Tooth (Truth?) –
The awful speculation

Later when I was more awake, I read back over them. I didn’t know what they meant. Now, 10 years later, I still don’t know.